What to do with "the help"

We expats all employ staff of some kind such as a maid, driver etc. because it is either an affordable luxury for a few years or the company is paying for it.  Another reason, which I think most expats don't consider when they first come over here, is that it is our responsibility as comparatively wealthy foreigners to provide jobs for these people and pay them well compared to what they might earn working for locals.

There are a lot of feelings of guilt living in a country such as India because of the abject poverty all around.  Most of us are not considered wealthy in our home countries and often struggle to make ends meet or at the very least, have no spare cash at the end of the month, because of the high cost of living in the west.  How do you explain that to someone who lives in a 10'X12' home with spouse(if they are lucky) children, inlaws, siblings etc. with unreliable water and electricity supply.  "I am sorry, we just can't spare any more or we won't be able to buy another laptop or take another vacation or eat out as much or buy more knick knacks for our home that you will end up dusting..."  That is a very difficult reality to swallow and all foreigners have to come to grips with it in one way or another. 

The truth is, though, that we can only do so much so we hire our help, treat them with respect and caring and over pay them....and constantly give thanks for the conditions under which we are lucky enough to live our lives.

A complicated flip side to this is that a lot of domestic help will no longer work for Indians because they won't pay as much and expect a lot longer hours (not always but as a rule) which upsets the local economy somewhat.  No one earns as much here as in the west, including engineers, doctors etc. and the cost of living does not demand it so by overpaying our help, are we really helping things or are we skewing wages unfairly?  What will happen when not as many foreigners are needed, which is inevitable with development? 

Everyday poses endless moral dilemnas for expats in India.  I didn't bargain on this aspect of life here!

Here come the girls (hopefully)

In April I wrote about the skewed sex ratio in favor of boys. This morning The Times of India has a story on a new amendment to the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques rules where all unregistered ultrasound machines will be seized and fines levied. Imprisonment could also be involved.

Now we just have to hope for transparent application of the new law with no bribes, threats etc. of any kind involved......

I feel hopeful; freedom of the press is impressive in India.

Khap panchayats

This is one of the stranger aspects of this country, especially in the north.  You hear about the caste system (which is illegal but still very active in some parts of the country), honour killings (also illegal but still not unusual in some parts of the country) and tribalism.   In a country that is modernising at a rapid pace, how do you reconcile these medieval practices?

Dating back at least 1000 yrs, are community groups called Khap Panchayats which are comprised of elders (mostly or all men) from the villages in a surrounding area.  They were somewhat democratic whereby the committee would resolve disputes amicably among parties.  When the modern judiciary came into being, the Khap Panchayats lost any legal standing and were actually no longer  necessary.     However, they did not completely go away and one of the areas that they are still operational is that of marriage.  A boy and a girl from the same "gotra" cannot marry since they are considered brother and sister.  A gotra is a lineage based on a common male ancestor.  Over time, these gotras have become large and people can be very distantly related but still considered in the same gotra.  Khap Panchayats try to intervene to prevent same-gotra marriage and this results in the honour killings of either the girl, boy or both.

This should not exist at all in India but politicians have brought them back to life to capitalize on the large voting blocks they provide.  I think that the government of India needs to come down hard on these community bodies and enforce their own sovereignity.

So many cows but where is the cheese?!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.  You never truly appreciate something until it is gone....
Yes, I am talking about cheese.  You are literally tripping over cows in this country so why the dearth in cheese?  There is loads of paneer, the tofuesque but far more flavourful  cottage cheese of India but try to find a brie, edam, swiss, cheddar, parmesan, romano, mozzarella....the list goes on... and the struggle begins.  There are a few locations that sell imported cheeses at a price but why not make it here? 
I'm hungry (obviously)!

Why don't people want girls???

I keep hearing of the skewed sex ratio in India where many more boys than girls are born.  This is supposedly created by aborting female fetuses.  Apparently, ultrasound labs have popped up all over the country and even in remote villages and for a small "fee", they will tell you the sex of your baby.  To be fair, not all labs will do this but a significant number will.  

This scenario seems like a plot in a science fiction movie and I remember a few years ago (well, more than a few) there was a debate that ultrasounds could be used for this purpose but people denied that it would ever happen...too barbaric and the medical professionals are too ethical to do this.  Well.....apparently not.  It brings to mind the ethical ramifications of cloning that are being debated today and again, the proponents use the arguments of government regulations and ethics of medical professions which, in some areas, are not enough to stop unethical behaviour.


Anyway, back to my original question:  Why don't Indians want girls?  I know that this is a very small minority and also that it is a problem in other countries as well so please don't think that I am accusing all, or most of this crime.  Just trying to figure out why it is happening at all.


One thought is that dowries are the culprit.  In India, traditionally girls (or their families) have had to pay a dowry to the grooms family.  These dowries can be very large.  My maid is substantially in debt so that her daughter could get married.  The boys family demanded quite a large sum and my maid felt it was necessary to ensure her daughter was able to marry into a "good" family.


Also, girls go to live with the grooms family helping with the household chores etc.  Therefore, the girls family loses out financially and also loses help around the house.  Not much of an incentive to have girls, especially for a poor family.


If there are other reasons for not wanting girls, please add them to a discussion.  There might be cultural or religious aspects that I have no idea about.

I hope with modernisation, this trend will reverse but so far, urban centres with supposedly more educated and affluent people are also to blame for the skewed sex ratio.  Will dowries ever go away in India and will this stop the practice of aborting female fetuses?  

Back to my maid again, she has 2 boys and 2 girls.  Since she is so in debt because of the dowry for her first daughter, I said that it will ease up when she receives a dowry for her son from his bride but she said that she thinks dowries are very wrong and will not take one for her son.  She just wants him to marry a nice girl, who will keep him happy and help her around the house.  That is so admirable of this poor woman that it puts me to shame. She said that she only paid a dowry for her daughter because she believed it was the only way to ensure a good marriage (turns out it is not so good, but that is another issue).  It takes more people like my maid to break the cycle of dowries.

Tennis, 5-Star Hotels and Hypocrisy

Fun, fun day today and much needed I might add.  A small group of us expats have discovered some wonderful tennis courts on the Palace Grounds in Bangalore.  They are 2 very well maintained clay courts with a little hut attached with safe drinking water, clean washroom and even a shower.  It is quite an adventure reaching them since the way in to the Palace Grounds is through a thick iron gate which needs to be manually rolled aside to drive through.  There is an old man who peeks out through a little grill and then grudgingly pushes the heavy gate open.  Monty Python keeps coming to mind for some reason...

The Palace Grounds is a large area of wilderness on the north edge of the city center which is home to a couple of riding stables, a small amusement park, some small scale industrial endeavors and some convention/wedding halls.  It is also the location of the Bangalore Palace which is one of the residences of the descendants of the Maharajah of Mysore.  The grounds are also home to many very poor people scraping up a meagre existence to get by. I don't feel that I am describing it well enough.  There is nothing comparable that I have seen elsewhere.  The reason I am trying to describe it is to show that playing tennis here, in and of itself, feels like a bit of an adventure when you first start coming.  The usual posh tennis club, this is not!

However, the head pro is a very charming and effective young manager and they give some of the poor boys in the area jobs there and tennis lessons.  Actually, the manager started off like the ball boys and quickly advanced in both tennis skills and teaching skills.   These boys gain valuable skills that they would otherwise never have the opportunity for, as well as learning how to deal with us foreign ladies in very short skirts, improve their English skills and their tips are kept aside for them for clothes, food, and even computer courses.  It feels much more rewarding playing there than just adding to the profits of a snooty club.

Now the hypocrite in me comes out; I spent the afternoon sunning myself and lunching poolside at a 5 star hotel!  Not only that-I felt a little put out because there were 2 Indian men swimming in the pool in their clothes! How can I be so moved by the needs of the boys at the tennis courts and then immediately go from that to opulence and pampering, not to mention adding to the profits of a large corporation?

This is the kind of contradiction that India presents to you everyday. It tends to highlight our hypocrisy.  It tends to "rub it in" a bit too.  I think that is why it is said that India will change you.

Lucky us, that we can escape to luxury and comfort when we have had enough.

Trying to figure it all out

You can't come to India to live and not need to try to figure out why things are as they are.  Well, I suppose you could, but it would be such a waste.  India is a country where things happen on a daily basis that make no sense to the average westerner.  For instance, why are there men relieving themselves along the sides of every road, and I mean in the city?!  Also, what is up with all the mustaches and late 70s hair styles and who exactly owns all the cows wandering around? On a more serious note, why do the Indian people put up with so much corruption in their politicians and such poor service from the civic authorities?

One thing in particular that really amazes me is how the people who come out of the slums look so clean, pressed and tidy.  Disarray is all around but the school children are perfectly groomed (they might not have shoes on though) and the colours of the women's saris are so beautiful and bright!  How do they pull that off everyday?! And if only I could get my whites to look so white...

I only have a year here so I doubt I will be able to make sense of it all but it is quite an adventure trying!